Some of it is described here: [link]
My critique for theWrittenRevolution is [link]
and the questions I have for the piece are contained in my commentary below.
It's 3:30 in the morning. I went to bed three and a half hours ago and now the caffeine I was such a fool to consume in such copious quantities is going to abandon me in the witching hour, the hardest hurdle in the ballet of keeping social promises while entertaining the equilibrium of desired madnesses. Some revisions made (Melissa would be proud, I think she envies that I'm as good an editor as I am a poet more than how good a poet I am) and some tighter tense consistency was found. I wanted to make the portion between the jacket and the embrace in past tense to symbolize the freezing of time, but my rhetoric failed me and I assumed too much flack for not properly keeping the tense of my piece to bother with the incessant rebuttal of artistic lisence. I wasn't convinced it would convey anyway, more romantic a gesture than I was willing to put my bets on (obviously) though I'm welcome to any comments considering the comparison of utility. I suppose truly, the art is accomplished, the decision is made, and what's done is done, really, so: moot. Fuck. W/C/S. D.
Edit 1: I'm also curious as to whether the double entendre of praying and cock sucking got through. I changed it to make it less obviously praying and more obviously cock-sucking but I don't want to lose the prayer aspect, since the cock-sucking is more of a dark joke (see comment on society).
Edit 2: [link]
The concise thanks for the Daily Literature Deviation which started to get too wordy to include verbatim here in the description. I stated it there, but again: I'm honored.
Edit 3: Transcribed the piece on the old typewriter my parents got me, which gave me hours to reconsider placement and syntax. Only felt strongly in a couple of places, so that's good. Corrected the compensatory capitalization which the notes in my iPhone retained because they can't italicize. To anyone getting repeat inbox offense because of this piece I apologize, the outside attention it's getting has spurred me into and inside attention.
Otherwise the piece is pretty pleasing, somewhat (perhaps excessively) cathartic, though I think I pull it out of that by the end of it. It is bound to be displeasing all around, in varying places, for any and all parties concerned, which seems at the height of fairness and honesty; fairness taking the priority and honesty only coincidentally riding its coattails, though with all this big talk about large numbers, who am I to be trusted with such a topic as coincidence?